Change: Turning Your Life Around and Moving Up

Up is the movement and direction toward possibility--"with God nothing is impossible." Up is the movement of reaching. Up is where we're going. When you watch birds take off, they don't fly down, they fly up. They leave the ground after they've found their food. They leave the place where they have come for their nurturing and their nourishment, and then they fly up, they soar.

Moving up, you will begin to discover who you are. So make the decision right now to fly, to change your life by moving up toward God and toward moments filled with yeses and possibilities in life.

Picture yourself as an inflatable boxing toy with a weighted base, a bop bag. Every time you hit that toy, it falls over, but it bounces right back up. Nothing can keep it down unless it's deflated. Refuse to decompress or deflate. When someone punches the breath out of you, inhale. Let God's spirit breathe new hope and life into you. Believe who He says you are, not what others say to defame and degrade you. You are a child of the King, bow to no negative circumstance or critical diatribe, stand up!

Steps to Stand Up

·      Believe who God says you are, not what detractors label you.

·      Stand up with stand up people; stop sitting down with negative, "ain't it awful" folks.

·      Leave the sitting chair of your past behind; decide your future...

·      When you get "sick and tired of being sick and tired," don't give up...stand up!

Never let fear keep you from speaking up. God hasn't given you a spirit of fear, but has imbued you with power, love, and a good, sound mind to give voice to your dreams, visions, ideas, and thoughts. So what if you miss the mark with a speech or message? So what if you stumble a bit, mumble, or stutter? Find your voice. Work on your diction. Work on your timing. Work on your voice, presentation, substance, and style. Speak up.

Steps to Speak Up

·      Pray and listen to God's leading and direction right now. Ask God to help you to "open your mouth and increase your territory" (prayer of Jabez in 1 Chronicles 4:10).

·      Prepare what you are going to say and then practice articulating your message clearly.

·      Embrace a bold and courageous attitude.

·      Speak up and create an environment and legacy for others to speak up. Start working with those around you.

To look up means taking the time to find a place within yourself and around you to renew your spirit. Be intentional. Take a spiritual health break. When all is dark around you and no light shines at the end of your tunnel of despair, look up! Knocked down? Look up. Perplexed and confused? Look up. Surrounded by trouble...and depressed? Look up!

Steps to Look Up

·      Set aside a quiet time to pray regularly. Talk with God as you would a friend.

·      Get up and walk; don't just sit around bemoaning your problems.

·      Ask God for a vision for your life.

·      Choose to become new again. Allow God to do a "new thing" in you (Isaiah 43).

Reading allows us to continue achieving and growing. I want to know what trials people faced and how they overcame them. How did they rebound when they were knocked down? How do we go from being miserable to fulfilling a mission in life? Grab a few moments each day to read. Go on a trip without ever leaving home. Discover a new world of imagination, reality, and mindsets. Expand your territory: book up!

Steps to Book Up

·      Set a time each day to read, even if it's just for five or ten minutes.

·      Decide on a business or professional journal or paper to read weekly or even daily.

·      Talk with a pastor, teacher, or professional about books they are reading.

·      Read Scripture regularly.

Kissing up is being kind even when the other person slams or persecutes us for no good reason. It's blessing those who really seek to do us wrong or do us in. Blessings are in store for those who choose to be kind, to kiss up, regardless of the attitude or actions of others. Not everyone we kiss up to will someday respond. That's not the issue. Kindness flowers out of who we are, not how others respond!

Steps to Kiss Up

·      Don't allow rejection to cause you to give up.

·      Remember to plan wisely before you initiate connecting with people.

·      Refuse to compromise who you are or your values.

·      Take the initiative to connect with those whom you will bless and who will bless you.

Listening up is a valuable gift you give to another person of your time and attention. Don't let others abuse that gift. Set boundaries. Marriage, friendship, or being related isn't a free ticket for abusive dumping. When you need to rest and refresh, turn the phone, beeper, or e-mail off or just don't answer. Go to a quiet, secret place, to commune with God and be renewed. Remember that prayer, a form of listening up, is not just telling God about what you want. It's also listening to God for what He wants; God has wonderful plans for your life if you will just listen up!

Steps to Listen Up

·      Keep a pad and pen close by you at all times so that you can listen to God and jot down what He speaks to you.

·      Take a sabbatical rest. It may be for a day, or weeks, or months. You may need a vacation in order to get away from the bustle and hear God.

·      Take a crisis one step at a time. Listen to God for guidance about each step you should take.

·      Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Speak to hear and understand before you respond.

In Isaiah, God says, "Do not consider the former things nor consider the things of old. Behold I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth." You are to walk in the newness, which means you must let go of past negatives--ideas, people, and feelings. Setting boundaries, moving on from toxic relationships, deciding to change, and releasing old patterns and bad habits while learning new and constructive ones requires courage, work, and commitment.

Steps to Hang Up

·      Hang up when the relationship is controlling, manipulative, intimidating, abusive, or addictive.

·      Prepare yourself to hang up by praying, seeking wise counsel, facing the facts, and taking action.

·      Set healthy boundaries, refusing to relate to people who tear you down instead of build you up.

·      Move up to positive, prosperous healthy relationships after you hang up on the old and embrace God's new for your life.

Consider the reciprocity of peacemaking that results from making up: "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the sons of God." God's blessing comes upon those who live our reconciliation. Make a list of those with whom you need to make up right now. Begin to write, call, e-mail, and visit each one. Forgive. Release. Refuse to take or carry the bait of offense. Jesus said it this way, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." You've heard it and said it in the Lord's Prayer. Now live it.

Steps to Make Up

·      Approach those with whom you are offended and reach out to them with forgiveness.

·      Choose to forgive before others repent...even if they don't repent.

·      Focus on forgiveness instead of hurt, anger, and offense.

·      Pray out loud the Lord's Prayer and speak the Beatitudes.

Waking up to long-term gain may cause you some short-term pain or sacrifice. Scripture reminds us that trial produces patient perseverance, and patience builds character and this process produces hope that doesn't disappoint, outpouring love from God, and power through the Spirit. The process of waking up may be painful, but it does produce character and maturity. Don't give up what's important, wake up to it.

Steps to Wake Up

·      Set priorities in line with your life's purpose, not your immediate demands.

·      Deepen the close relationships in life, particularly family.

·      Take time for what's important; refuse to waste time on draining relationships that have no staying power.

·      Be there now and take time with those you will be with throughout life's journey. Begin today.

Cheer up is about just doing something fun. It's about laughing, doing something that brings joy to your soul. From prison, St. Paul wrote, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, rejoice!" Find joy for your soul. Everything in life does not have to be hard. A missionary friend in Belgrade often quoted the ubiquitous proverb, "Life is hard and then you die." Life doesn't have to be that way. Cheer up!

Steps to Cheer Up

·      Associate with people who cheer you up instead of tear you down.

·      Choose to respond with joy; reject the myth that other [people] or things can make you happy.

·      Laugh at yourself. Don't be so serious and stodgy.

·      Think up ways to cheer up others; by giving cheer you will receive cheer!

Up is a choice, not a command, and it is certainly not something that will just happen. Up takes time, effort, attentiveness, and commitment! Identify people around you who seem to specialize in an up in which you need improvement and growth. Let them mentor or coach you. Hang with them. Ask questions. Imitate them. Develop a hunger and thirst for moving up.

It will be an exciting journey for you. Your engine has already filled up for you. God has just been waiting for you to say you're ready to go up. When you're ready, God's ready. Let's go forward. Get up. Start up!

Strategies for Success in life

Strategies for Success in life

We all aspire to have a fulfilling life. Yet most of us simply aren't creating the results we want. We don't have enough success or joy in our lives. Yet greatness exists in all of us. It is simply up to us to pull it out of ourselves.

Creativity and success go hand in hand. Throughout history, successful people have achieved outstanding results by looking at their world, their jobs and their lives creatively

• Being a Visionary = you need to have the desire to create a dream, the perseverance to follow it, and the intelligence to orchestrate it.
• Being Passionately Independent = when you are possessed with a passion for creation and a desire for freedom to be your own boss, you are well on your way to freedom
• Being Realistic = develop your instinct to know when to cut lose or when to stay on course as some challenges are simply too big, too costly and too risky to continue
• Being Self Confident = give your ideas your full effort from start to finish
• Being Persistent = you need to have the persistence to bring your worthwhile projects to market despite all the challenges and obstacles you will face
• Being in the Moment = learn from your mistakes and learn from them

Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life

One of the greatest myths in our culture today is that you are entitled to a great life--that somehow, somewhere, someone is responsible for filling your life with continual happiness, exciting career options, and blissful relationships. But the real truth is that there is only one person responsible for the quality of the life you live. That person is YOU.

This step, Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life, is the step most people are not even aware they are not living. It's analogous to being locked in jail unaware the key to freedom can be found somewhere in the cell with you.
One of the greatest myths many people believe today is that we are entitled to a great life and that, and that somehow, somewhere; someone is responsible for filling our lives with continual happiness, exciting career options, nurturing families and rewarding personal relationships simply because we exist. But the real truth is that there is only one person responsible for the quality of the life you live - that person is you.

The bottom line is we are responsible for our actions. There is no master blueprint for your life, no grand destiny, and no pre-determined circumstances that will dictate or shape our lives. Yes, the Universe will give you what you ask for, but you have to ask for it first. The Universe is not on autopilot just doling out happiness, success, etc. You must make the choice to ask. You are the only one responsible for telling the Universe what you want.
Even though this step may seem frustrating for some, it is liberating for others. For those of you who have not had good fortune or have not been awarded the amenities in your life you had hoped for, please know you can take responsibility, right now, and move your life forward to the place you desire.
Meaning, if you don’t like where you are, then you are the one responsible for changing where you are, no one else.
Our lives are revealed to us by the choices we make. If you take an honest look, and honest assessment of where you are with your quality of life you will find you have put yourself right where you are. If you have a great marriage then you made the right choice in a spouse and you make the right choices every day to nurture and grow the relationship. If you are broke, incurring a mountain of debt and living paycheck-to-paycheck, then look around, how did you really get to the place you are now? The answer, then, is to begin making different choices and understand you own these choices and you are responsibility for the outcomes.
Freedom does indeed come with a price. To be able to pay the price, you must stop blaming others for the condition and quality of your life. No one is doing anything to you that you are not allowing them to do. This may sound harsh and callous, but actually it’s the key. Rather than being locked up in a small, confining, and unfulfilling jail cell, look around for the key. You are responsible for finding it.


You are responsible for unlocking the door. You are responsible for walking through the door that has held you back for so long. You are responsible for creating the life you want. And what a beautiful life that will be.

Joyful Lifestyle

Stressful days can invite comic relief. Doctors realise that laughter can enhance physical and mental health. Now it seems even looking forward to laughter can be good for you.

It is easy for us to reason that if only we could have some more money, or a better job, a palatial mansion to live in, a brand new Mercedes… then we would be happy.  But someone who had all the money anyone could wish for, billionaire J Paul Getty, famously stated that he would be willing to give away all of his fortune in return for one happy marriage.

Happiness economists generally agree that extra wealth does add to happiness for people living in poverty, but once we have a reasonable standard of living, additional wealth doesn’t equate with greater happiness.

The Christian principles of loving one another, being gentle, thankful, kind and forgiving are shown to be valid as keys to happiness.  No wonder Jesus said “Now you know these things, happy are you if you do them

Many of the experts on happiness say that being happy is a choice; that it is a decision you make every morning, that today ‘I am going to be happy’. But how is it some people manage to have that inner contentment and others struggle to put a smile on their face? I have asked thousands of people what makes them happy or unhappy and have discovered certain repeating themes: People feel happy when they have a fulfilling relationship, a career they love, great health and energy and variety of interests.

Often those people have a positive attitude to life and they see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. Here are seven keys which can help you experience more joy and happiness in your life.

1. Experts says a good laugh is good to our health can you please tell us how a good laugh benefits us.

• Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
• Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
• Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

2. So how do we go on to find a good laugh when everything is not going well.

• Count your blessings. Literally make a list. The simple act of considering the good things in your life will distance you from negative thoughts that are a barrier to humor and laughter. When you’re in a state of sadness, you have further to travel to get to humor and laughter.
• Smile. Smiling is the beginning of laughter. Like laughter, it’s contagious. Pioneers in “laugh therapy,” find it’s possible to laugh without even experiencing a funny event. The same holds for smiling. When you look at someone or see something even mildly pleasing, practice smiling.
• When you hear laughter, move toward it. Sometimes humor and laughter are private, a shared joke among a small group, but usually not. More often, people are very happy to share something funny because it gives them an opportunity to laugh again and feed off the humor you find in it. When you hear laughter, seek it out and ask, “What’s funny?”
• Spend time with fun, playful people. These are people who laugh easily–both at themselves and at life’s absurdities–and who routinely find the humor in everyday events. Their playful point of view and laughter are contagious.
• Bring humor into conversations. Ask people, “What’s the funniest thing that happened to you today? This week? In your life?”

 

Leadership and Mindset

1.     Learning to Lead

No matter how good you are at your work, how ambitious your goals are, and how much

energy and stamina you have, if you’re not a leader, none of it guarantees your success,

since, “The effectiveness of your work will never rise above your ability to lead and

infl uence others.”

A group of people was strolling through a village. When they passed an old man, one of

them asked condescendingly, “Were any great men born in this village?” “Nope,” the old

man answered, “Only babies.” The moral of the story: Although some people seem to be

“born leaders,” most need to learn leadership from experienced role models. You can use

the following 10 principles to become a mature leader:

Leaders need followers, whom they attract because of their infl uence. Everyone has

infl uence with at least a few people. In fact, everyone is a leader at some times and a follower

at others. The difference between the average person and the leader is scope. Leadership

has fi ve successive components; each one depends upon the one that precedes it.

1. “Position: People follow because they have to” – A title gives you authority, but not

necessarily infl uence. Bosses are not automatically leaders. Instead, your infl uence

grows according to the intensity of your commitment.

2. “Permission: People follow because they want to” – Your followers must also make a

commitment; you need their permission to lead. To gain and keep it, you must build

solid relationships with them.

3. “Production: People follow because of what you have done for the organization” –

Once you’ve built relationships, you and your followers achieve results together.

4. “People development: People follow because of what you have done for them” – Good

leaders are mentors. People follow them because somehow, when they do so, they

feel inspired to perform better than usual.

5. “Personhood: People follow because of who you are” – After a lifetime of leadership, you

develop personal charisma, and people follow you because of the values you embody.

2.     Mindset

 As a man thinks, feels and believes, so is the condition of his mind, body and circumstances. Every thought is a cause and every condition is an effect. Change your thoughts change your destiny

If you think good, good will follow; if you think evil, evil will follow. This is the way your mind works. Once the subconscious mind accepts an idea, it begins to execute it. When your habitual thinking is harmonious and constructive, you experience perfect health, success and prosperity. You build a new body every eleven months. Change your body by changing your thoughts and keeping them changed. It is normal to be healthy. It is abnormal to be ill.

A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.

Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds, and growing the flowers and fruits which he requires, so may a man tend the garden of his mind, weeding out all the wrong, useless, and impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and fruits of right, useful, and pure thoughts, By pursuing this process, a man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his soul, the director of his life. He also reveals, within himself, the laws of thought, and understands with ever-increasing accuracy, how the thought forces and mind elements operate in the shaping of his character, circumstances, and destiny.

Thought and character are one, and as character can only manifest and discover itself through environment and circumstance, the outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state. This does not mean that a man's circumstances at any given time are an indication of his entire character, but that those circumstances are so intimately connected with some vital thought element within himself that, for the time being, they are indispensable to his development.

Every man is where he is by the law of his being. The thoughts which he has built into his character have brought him there, and in the arrangement of his life there is no element of chance, but all is the result of a law which cannot err. This is just as true of those who feel "out of harmony" with their surroundings as of those who are contented with them.

Fanancial & Personal Freedom

1.      Taking Back your freedom

“If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting”

There is no shortcut to personal and financial. Getting rich entails long years of discipline, hard work,

thrift, and wise use of resources. Those who get rich quick usually do so because: they won a million

dollars on lottery; duped other people in a scam; or inherited a fortune from a wealthy father or

relative.

But if we go back tο the rοοt οf the issue, it may be impοrtant tο ask, “Why are sοme peοple pοοr?”

One οf the main reasοns why many peοple are pοοr οr remain far frοm becοming rich is encapsulated

in twο wοrds: financial mismanagement. Financial mismanagement is abοut squandering οne's

resοurce οn things οr activities that dο nοt bear fruit οr result in additiοnal incοme. Mismanagement οf

finances is alsο οne οf the cοmmοn causes οf marital trοuble and a sοurce οf enοrmοus stress and

anxiety in peοple.

Sο many peοple have fallen intο the debt trap and nοw feel tοtally οut οf cοntrοl οf their life and

finances.

Sο what can the average persοn dο tο better manage his οr her finances? Yοu dο nοt have tο be an

ecοnοmics graduate οr a finance guru tο get οut οf debt and stοp the cycle οf living frοm paycheck tο

paycheck. Tο get back οn track in terms οf yοur mοney and investments, cοnsider the fοllοwing

suggestiοns:

- Eliminate Yοur Debts, Avοid Unnecessary Spending

- Have an Emergency Accοunt

- Check Out Yοur Cοmpany's Retirement Plan

- Pensiοn fοr the Self-Emplοyed

-. Invest Yοur Mοney.

Indeed, there is nο shοrtcut tο wealth. Living the gοοd life entails planning, setting gοals, discipline, a

great deal οf sacrifice. Getting rid οf wοrry and anxiety attacks οver financial difficulties is nοt an

impοssible task. When yοu save and invest wisely, yοu will be able tο prepare the tοugh times that are

sure tο cοme; and yοu can have enοugh tο enjοy life, which is the reasοn why we need tο take cοntrοl

οf οur finances.

2. Take charge if your Soul Lifestyle

Today, we tend to view the world in which we live from mechanistic, scientific, analytical and physical

perspectives. When we do this, we engage our senses without involving the soul. We therefore remain

on the surface of cause and effect relationships, and give away the power of controlling our own lives

and loves to external forces. We thus find ourselves increasingly disconnected from the world and

others, and increasingly afraid of close encounters and intimate connections.

Knowing ourselves is the foundation to understanding what we do, why we do it, and how to change.

It is not possible to resolve our problems or issues in life if we do not know who we are, as both

personality and soul. The more we know ourselves at all levels, the less we will be controlled by our

lower nature and the less we will project aspects of our own unconsciousness onto others.

Self-knowledge is the basis of all knowledge and the foundation for being able to be of true value to

others.

Soul lifestyle expresses who we are in a way that contributes to what we are part of. We must express

who we are as a personality in a way that benefits others around us. That involves using our abilities,

our skills, our talents and anything that we have as a physical, emotional and mental being. Doing so

fulfills our soul purpose.

The purposes of our soul and personality are unique ways we participate in the grander scheme of life.

You will indentify your:

Turning Crisis into Opportunity

1.   Turning Crisis into Opportunity

Crises come into our lives, no matter how we may try to avoid them. They are troubling, unwanted experiences or events that take us out way out of our comfort zone. Typically, crises result in some type of loss. The very nature of crisis is antithetical to our core values of certainty and predictability as they vanish in an instant.

We desperately try to restore order to our lives, as chaos seems to prevail. Yet, if we learn to reframe how we see crisis, we might actually take advantage of it. There is the potential for alchemy as the crisis unfolds into a gain, provided we learn to stop resisting the unwanted change.

The crisis may be of a financial, relationship, health or spiritual nature. Those crises that are internally driven tend to be relational, psychological or emotional. Ordinarily, we try to avoid these upsets as best we can. Yet, upheavals are at times leveled upon us and may not be of our making. We may feel like victims of the circumstances, as we struggle to hold on to life as we knew it.

Typically, personal change requires our motivation and intention to serve as the catalyst to power the transition. Crisis, on the other hand, removes the self-motivating requirement as it places us squarely outside of our familiar zone. The crisis literally removes the boundaries that have circumscribed us. It is as if a tornado has swept in, and when we open our eyes, everything has changed. The maelstrom places us well beyond the bounds of the known. We typically find ourselves wanting desperately to get back inside the comfort of the known. But the crisis precludes that option. There is no going back. But that is where the opportunity lies.

Breaking Free 

Growth and fundamental levels of change only tend to occur when we are out of our comfort zone. We can refer to this as being far from equilibrium, where certainty and predictability no longer reign supreme. So we might look at the crisis as a blessing in disguise, albeit an unwanted one.

Steve Jobs might have felt self-defeated and victimized himself after he was fired from Apple many years ago. He chose otherwise. After his dismissal, he grasped crisis by the horns, seeing opportunity where others did not. He went on to lead a small animation company and turn it into the juggernaut that is now Pixar. When The Walt Disney Company bought Pixar in 2006, Jobs immediately became the largest shareholder in Disney. The moral of the story is unwanted change happens; look beyond it and embrace the discomfort.

The crisis is but a snapshot of a moment in time, and one we’d prefer to avoid. But to achieve self-empowerment requires looking beyond that snapshot and envisioning what door of potential has just flung open.

The individual whose spouse initiated divorce or left them for another person feels betrayed and perhaps heartsick. After a time though, they may in fact come to feel thankful to be freed from an unworthy and inauthentic relationship. This is particularly true if they evolve through the loss and benefit from a new and healthier relationship.

I fervently believe that every crisis presents an opportunity. Crisis and opportunity are merely differing aspects of the process. Do we choose to focus on the crisis and freeze in fear, or do we inquire as what the opportunity may be? Let’s take a deeper look at the phenomena of crisis.

Where Is the Opportunity? 

Let’s delve a bit deeper into the opportunity that prevails through these hardships. Crisis is defined in Webster’s Dictionary as: “A crucial or decisive point or situation; a turning point.” If we focus on the phrase “turning point,” we might ask ourselves, “Toward where are we turning?” It is in this non-reactive contemplation that we may elect to seek opportunity. This potentiality becomes obscured when we are mired in the loss of the familiar as opposed to venturing into the new. This tipping point is precisely where transformation occurs.

Do we gaze into the unfolding potential of change, or do we focus on the loss of the familiar? Your answer reveals your relationship between loss and opportunity. Ultimately the question is whether we choose to freeze in the panic of the unfamiliar or we seek to opportunize the new territory that’s unfolding for us. The former presents anxiety and retreat, the latter evokes growth. Release your hold on loss and embrace your relationship with opportunity. They are inversely correlated.

The only constant in the universe is flow. What we call crisis is simply the occurrence of change. We are not the masters of change, and if we release our need to control it, we can ride the waves of change and often turn it into opportunity.

2.   Doing your best in life does mean being a perfectionist

Is it always a good idea to do the best you can do? Doing the best you can sets up a never-ending competition within one's own psyche. Competition has its place in our culture, but can you imagine never getting a time out from competing? People with such tendencies incline toward being perfectionists, and perfectionists are rarely present, as they ruminate the past and worry about the future.

Bottom of Form

This man's wife often complained about his not being emotionally available, and we can readily imagine the impact that his being wed to doing his best might have on his marriage. In fact, I'd argue his was more wed to this compulsion than to his wife.

I am not proposing that we shouldn't selectively choose endeavors in which we really might try our hardest. Selectively doing your best makes sense. But proclaiming it as our mantra makes life look like a runaway competition. I believe that if we integrate the wish "I want to be present" alongside  "I want to do my best," we'd begin to enjoy a more balanced life. And when we do choose to proclaim that we did our best, we should truly mean it.

What about Fun?

I have encountered so many people who feel that their performance overarches their enjoyment, particularly in sports. When I was a child, our engagement in athletics was primarily for recreational purposes. The goal was both athletic and fun.  Excelling at the sports wasn't necessarily more important than enjoying the game.

Now, many people tell me that they won't participate in a sport unless they can excel. When did performance become more valued than having fun? I play golf a few times a year with some good friends. I'm mediocre at best as a golfer, but I delight in the fun and the relief from everyday pressures that it offers. I couldn't imagine enjoying the game if I had to be good at it. Why do we have to be good? Our cultural penchant for winning, excellence, and maximum performance drives us into a neurotic addiction to self-measurement.

I was recently having a conversation with a young man who was a seeded tennis player. After a while, I came to inquire about his interest in other sports. As we talked further it became very evident that he would only engage in activities in which he excelled. I asked him why that was so and he seemed taken aback by my question. It was nonsensical to him to play at a sport at which he wasn't superlative. He protested, "What would be the point?" "To have fun," I retorted. He stated that having fun at something wasn't his goal; excelling was. I began to see his point. His priority was in excelling, not in enjoying himself.

The word "play" shouldn't appear in front of the sport for him, as in "playing" tennis. He had to be the best. This activity had little to do with play. I began to consider that, as a culture, we might be losing our ability to play as we subordinate it to winning and excelling. How might that affect our well being?  The absence of play sounds rather depressing doesn't it?

I have never been an accomplished athlete, but I have had immeasurable joy and treasured memories from the pure enjoyment of play. If while playing at a sport I was busily judging whether I were good enough to play, I'd never be present for the bliss of the experience. I have a treasure trove of cherished memories from playing baseball as a boy and young adult. My joy was derived from being in the process of play, trying to win, the camaraderie and spirited engagement with my teammates. We all want to do well, and most of us want to be the best - that's quite natural. But to refuse to participate because you're not top tier is quite sad.

I see our culture moving inexorably in this direction, and it screams to me in alarm that we are heading into a very dysfunctional area. I fear that our society is falling into a pathological condition when high levels of performance become the goal, and simple playful pleasure is no longer desirable, let alone permissible. A recent article in Scientific Mind suggests that the emotional and psychological well being of a person might well correlate with how much free play they had in their childhood. If this is valid, we are in deep trouble. And we are perhaps setting up an abusive deprivation of fun for our children.

The current generation of children and adolescents are deprived of play. Their experience of what should be play becomes more work, as it is over-organized, scheduled and ultimately graded upon performance. The absence of play in a child's life is somewhat cruel. To rob our children of being children - as we propel them toward the cultural edict of excellence - demands some serious reconsideration.

Having to do your best implies that you are suffering from a compulsion. In this case, you aren't acting from free will, but from the compulsion. Trying to do your best selectively and with discrimination is laudable and leaves you in charge of your experience. Freeing yourself from compulsion is necessary to enable this shift.